Chris (nocturnoihsahn) wrote,

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Well I am feeling a little better than I was yesterday. When I had got home my mom was downstairs on the couch, it looked like she had just finished crying and stuff. My step dad laid in bed all day yesterday. The phone kept ringing and ringing. His aunt Cathy came over and they were talking for like a good 20 minutes. They talked about his mom it was just sad, he said he feels numb. Last nite I had Carls junior for dinner. I got what I get when im not feeling good or depressed. The double western bacon combo. I don't eat to cheer my self up its just that I didn't care about how fattening it was, I never get that combo just the regular one with only 1 beef patty. Hmm well I saw when Lydia was camel toed, I laughed at the fact that she was, it doesn't gross me out most of the time, but when I can see it a lot I start to wonder if the girl knows that the is happening. I wonder if when people point it out to them if they get embarrassed, I wouldn't doubt it. It be like me walking around with an erection. Haha or may be not that bad. But any ways we were on the phone for a little while last nite. I could tell that when you were talking to me about when Adrian touches you, you don't like it. Cause if you didn't like a little bit you wouldn't mine speaking about it, but when you were telling me you were mumbling and you didn't finish and said you didn't want to talk about it. Well like I told you last nite, if you don't like it than why do you allow him to. If he thinks your stuck up for not letting him fondle you or touch you that is just because he doesn't get his way. I mean if you don't like it than ask him to stop. If it was a person that you liked more than a friend id think differently because its could be just more than him grabbing you, and you may probably allow it to some extant, im not saying that on the first time that its ok for that person to put their hand completely up you skirt, just gradually allowing, and if you don't want to do that at all than it should be complete fine with that other person, because if they really cared about how you felt than they would stop until you felt the time was right. What is your view on how what he does and how you feel? Do you think he does that because he likes you or just because he wants to feel you body? I think I can picture how you feel when guys just look at you and just think of you as an idle or just because of your body, I mean you do have a nice body but that is not all that counts. Like how when you were telling me when you went to Popeye's and all those black guys were staring at you and you mom, I know they weren't talking about the color of your hairs and the type of clothes you were wearing right? Yeah it may have been funny in one perspective but at the same time they are just holding you as an idle not as a person. Do you get what I'm trying to explain from how I see it? But I just want to let you know that I am not lecturing you or anything like that so don't see what I am saying or my opinion as a lecture. Now this is in the same form but cut down to black and white. Do you like it when Adrian touches you? Why do you think its funny? Are you trying to repress your true feelings?. If you don't like it than why do you allow it?

I just want to know how you feel about it. You don't have to tell me what he does or anything like that at all. I just would like to know your feelings about it and why you feel that way. I want to see it from your view. Well I'm out of questions from that realm and I think I said basically what I felt. I would have told you all of this last nite but the questions like what i was asking sometimes can take me like a minute to think of a question. And I enjoyed talking to you last nite to. But anyways, what do you plan to do with tracee? What did you tell her in that note? Does she live in the same neighboorhod as you do? Well I came to a conclusion, I don't think I am going to be getting a job this summer and if I get one itll probally be just the first pay check or 2. I wonder what lindsey and cassie did at trevors house, more naked pictures? HAHAHA, I told her I saw her riding her bike on the way over there. I wonder why she is so obsessed with him? I don't know. I am probally going to go over there on Friday for a little while and bring that movie and stuff. Well tonite is going to suck since I got all that damn work to do, I am going to be in morreales room all lunch cleaning and shit. Damn I hate her so much, I am going to try to convince her to allow me to let me turn it in on Monday since I don't want the little time that I do have to affect my work and stuff. If I tell her I want to turn In quality work and not do a half ass job on it than shell give me to Monday, sometimes she can be nice like that. But I doubt it. As soon as I get home I am going to start my work on it. I hope I can get it done in like 2 hours, it's a lot of work to do but if I don't waste anytime than I hope I can get it done and make it look Ok. When I get home I am going to listen to that radio head cd. But I am going to be able to make copy of it, I can have my friend brandon do it for me. I feel so sexy right now. haha. Well I started typing this as soon as I got into my 5 period class. So, hmm. I am really hungry right now I didn't have anything to eat. Fuck. Hmm. Well ever since I walked in my 5 period class I have not known what to have said or to talk about. Oh yeah, well some of them lesbians over there are are pretty weird. Oh, how do you feel when you have the same sex check you out? I know if I was to have some gay guy go,"oh those are some nice buns you have in you package" id proablly shutter and have a nightmere of some sort. Man the more and more I think about it I can picture how you feel more acurately. Im really hungry right now. Do you like Roast beef au jus sandwichs? I do, they are on of my favorite meals. Damn, I want one right now so bad, or a bowl po pozole, or fajaitas or something or the hat or Manuels El Loco. Damn I am so hungry, but I have to wait till I get home or something like that. Well what did you think of those radio head flats? So what do you have planned for the summer? Well id like to make it a point to hang out with you when ever possible. We can hang out at tracees house or what ever is easiest. That would be cool if you could go over to my neck of the woods but there is nothing to do over here. But if you do well think of something. My house is super easy to remember. So I know your readng this at work. Have you gone to go get a chaco taco? Those things are good, I like those a lot. I also like Horchata a lot. One of my favorite drinks. Id rather have a big tall super cold glass of that rather than beer. There is a lot of things that id rather have than alcohol. I am not a big fan of that. Ok well I have to start my work now, I didn't do anything in my fourth perid class just this. Since I cant take the chance of getting caught I just do this in winword and copy paste it to the journal. Ok so I have to start my work now. See you tommrow. I think I am a cat rather than a turtle, or a caurtle, slow but fast. Shy like a turtle, but nice like a good cat.


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